I really had to just sit back and remember what this year has been like, what my journey was along the way.
Can’t forget those moments that, so discreetly, kept paving this path for me. The times I spent laughing my ass off, crying my eyes out, loved so deeply and fell down just as hard.
It was scary. It was challenging. But it was worth it. Some things weren’t something I would do again, but it happened..so, here I am. I pushed the negativity out of my life. I welcomed and encouraged all new things and gave it a taste test. I’ve, literally, crossed states and oceans. I’ve crossed bridges and watched them burn. I’ve crossed paths and either let off of it or merged it back into my current walk. I’ve made a lot of decisions that either made me or tried to break me and didn’t. I’ve thought long and hard about a lot and hard things and conquered it all. I’ve learned.
There were definitely affairs I could have went without. I can’t answer my own question as to whether it would still reveal who I am right now, on this day, but I don’t even want to unravel that one. I thought some things were a waste of my energy, but thank God I still have a tank full of that.
With every move I made I just thought it was the best for me and that’s what I was supposed to do. I understood loud and clear that what I thought was good was actually going to be a nightmare for someone else. That’s just what it was. My intentions were always honest – they definitely weren’t always agreed with – but they were honest. I couldn’t control a lot of things, but I tried. I tried to make light in the dark places. Your version of light and dark will differ from mine, as with everything else. That’s all I got for the bottom line. I can’t say I regret much. I didn’t give or get the chance to feel that, and that could be a good or bad thing but we’re at the end of the road for 2016 and I don’t have the time to dwell on the ifs that never made the cut. Especially if I’m the one that decided that they didn’t.
This right here, me, I’m a result. At the end of the day, I’m a cocktail of every day I woke up to, every decision I made, every single situation I was faced with. You either sip on it with me or ya don’t. This time, I’m not saying to figure it out. But I definitely am suggesting you get with it. I’ve spent a lot of time on things and thoughts that just aren’t palpable, and really only I understand how that goes down. I’ve strayed from that a little bit and I’m good with it for right now.
I’m just doing what I have to do and how I want to do it with strides. Do this with me. I always encourage people to really do what makes them happy. It’s too important to just do it tomorrow like you would with making a doctors appointment or doing your laundry. That shit needs to happen today. You need to happen today. It would be lovely to think there’s time left to play with, but really, there isn’t. You can’t always consider how someone else will feel about it. If you want someone, you need to let them know and take it from there. If you want your ‘dream job’ you need to aim for it, you do what you have to do to get there. You need to take the time to really study yourself. Get to know you. Nobody can tell you about yourself, you’re not going to hear something you don’t already know. You either acknowledge it and ignore it, or you acknowledge it and take care of it. Those are the two options we have. These little changes really just work together to make you feel like there’s a whole new purpose to wake up tomorrow and strive for. Any new reason to smile. What good is to live every day the same? That’s not why we have the opportunities we do or know the people we do.
Don’t plan. With how fast things happen I can’t always make the right decision. And about that – what really is the right or wrong? It all depends on who we are as a person. Honestly, I get tired of following my own rules. That’s why I bend them a little bit. I know I’m too much, but like they say – that’s why you have two hands. We’re all living for that thrill.
It’s important to me to make others feel good. Sometimes we don’t give ourselves that, so it’s nice to know someone else thought to do it. I love to check on people. I love to compliment. I love to make them feel high for a few. It’s appreciated and I know it is. Sometimes we need to hear you’re doing great. Or, hey, just want to tell you to have a good day. Those little things go such a long way and says so much more than what it is. Stop gossiping like it’s the only thing left to do. Be more kind. Spread the positivity like a damn forest fire. Be lighter, because I know those bad traits and grey days get heavy.
I don’t say these things because I enjoy sounding like a broken record under my own domain, it’s because I really do take it seriously. If you’re going to pull your weight then I mean really pull it. Come through with your strength and your power. There is so much to do that isn’t getting done. I think sometimes we look for a little validation, acceptance..some sort of permission or the ok to do something – you do not need it. Teach yourself that.
Make new friends. Talk to the stranger. Apply for the job. Take a class, whatever it may be of. Go somewhere. Feed your ambition. I know you have it because we all have it. Do whatever, just enjoy life because I, for one, am constantly reminded how precious it is. Just let yourself be. Who cares. Sometimes you just need to worry about you. Holding back from experiences just doesn’t fit. Unless you really truly think it’s going to kill you, do it. Let your heart fall a little bit. The only resolution you should have to wrap up this year and onto the next is to be better, be more of you than you already are.
See ya in 2017.
Give this song a listen. One of my favorites.