An Important Rant

I went to school and I graduated.  I attended a vocational trade high school, did what I was required to do, graduated 3 years ago and still have not missed it yet.  I truly hated waking up in the morning and going to school.  I hated the bullshit they had to teach.  Bullshit is what it’s called because bullshit is what it is.  Not once did they teach about life, about real life situations or about real life values.  Instead, I was given math tests about X, Y and find Z that made me want to rip the hair out of my head.  I’m not that type of person, I’m not a school person.  I run on experience education, not school education.  If I know how to read and write well, add, subtract, multiply and divide, know enough about the past and know a decent amount about how my body works, I think I’m good.  For me, it’s all I need.  However, the beneficial part about the vocational school is that you switch off between academic and trade weeks.  I walked across the stage to receive my certificate about computer science, that is what works for me.  Something to get me somewhere in life, and it has.  I will give credit where it’s due, and that’s it.  So at least if you don’t know what the hell you want to be in life, don’t forget you still have a skill set in a certain field that you earned in just four years.  This did it for me, not saying it’s for everyone.

I want to shut everyone up who says you have to go to college.  From what I hear:  College brings you some independence.  It brings stress, depression, a loss of motivation, a mental and emotional strain, and sometimes just lost time.  I have seen it over and over again.  And don’t forget about debt, it brings you debt.  All for more education because I guess 12 years of school prior to college just was not enough.  Some people love to learn what they are in school for, some people have that appetite for lectures and learning from books.  But I don’t.

I wish that during my time as student that one of my teachers told me before I left their class every day to “be happy and be kind”.  I never heard that from the people that saw me every single day; my good and bad moods, when I fell sick, watched me grow, even from the ones I confided in never once told me to be happy and be kind.  I don’t think they realize that is a large lesson by itself, just in 6 words.  For a lot of people, that could have changed their lives.  It would have made waking up every day a little less intolerable.

I know I’m different.  I act, think and love differently.  I know.

Don’t try to be a kind person.  Just be one.  If you try, that means there’s room for error and mistake.  If you fail at being a kind person then what is there left to say about you?  Your character is how you’re viewed.  This I love: I love when people say that they don’t care what people think of them.  I used to be that person, and then I became more of an adult and more of a woman, and I realized how damn important it is to be aware of how people think of you.  It really does matter and you should stop thinking that it doesn’t.  No, it shouldn’t keep you awake at night but it definitely should keep you awake as a person.

I ditched religion.  I was raised Catholic, but I dropped that like a hot potato because I don’t agree with it.  My mind was not wired to believe what I was being taught.  I can’t wrap my head around it.  So, now my religion is believing in myself and others.  It’s a peaceful and positive walk.  I love the concept of Buddhism and what it represents.  I will get down on my knees and bow three times before a Temple before I ever repeat the Our Father Prayer.  I don’t apologize for it because I don’t apologize for being me.  I’m at peace with losing people to death and find ways to live through the unbearable loss and pain.  I’ve said this all before and I’ll say it again: I believe in spirituality and I believe in souls.  I believe in good and bad times.  I believe in experience.  I believe that traveling is the best cure.  Call it what you want, it’s a mess, I know, but I’m a not a mess so just get that straight.  I believe in soulmates and I believe in true love.  Laughing is contagious and the best medicine for any bad day.  The way I am works for me and I guess makes me good company for who chooses to be in my life.  I try not to stress because I understand that everything is temporary and sometimes shit just happens that you can’t control.  Minimizing your stress level would be a great way to help yourself.

I had my first job at 15.  I paid for my own responsibilities to get my license. I went to school and had two jobs, most of the time.  I was never unemployed after I received my first paycheck.  I heard things and saw things that helped me grow.  The thing I am told most by people who have known me for a long time and by people I just met is that I am “wiser than my years”.  This tells me I forgot to be a kid, but it tells me that the knowledge I have about life, and love, is total power, and because of that I don’t regret growing up fast or the way I did.

I know it’s not easy.  Every one has their own battles and demons.  But there is always help.  There is always an outlet to help relieve you of these negative feelings.  Do what works for you, your mind, your heart, your body – your damn soul.  You have to find you and you have to be happy with that person.  We change every day, it’s just what we do and it happens unconsciously.  You have no idea that you’re going with the flow.  It’s okay.  Change like the season, baby.  It’s what we’re meant to do to be who we’re meant to be.  There is something you like.  There is a certain way you want to be.  Do all of these things, and be all of things.  Just love yourself, so heavily.  Love yourself with soooooo much love.  Be insanely happy that your happiness actually makes someone else happy.  Be around great people and be one of those great people.  Please, please just have good judgement.  Don’t be clouded.  Exercise your mind and your potential and run away with it.  There is someone and somewhere out there for every one.

I stay up at night and I just think, think, think.  You know, there’s gotta be a better way to be a better version of myself.  That should always be a goal, you can never stop being better.  There is no limit.  At the same time I think of how I can help those that are just emotionally and mentally struggling.  The thing about that is though it takes away from me.  I’m mentally and emotionally struggling too and I’ve realized I can’t save everyone after many failed attempts at trying to do that very thing for myself and others.  I’ll help.  I’m here for you.  What’s wrong?  Can I help?  I’ll be there in 10 minutes.  Can you hold on a second, my friend is calling and this could be important?  Hey, I have to go, I have to go deal with something.  Can I get you anything?  I can lend $100 if you need it, I already have my bills paid and stuff.  These aren’t things that make me a kind person.  This is what I do so people know they’re not alone.  It’s who I am.  If I am that someone that a person calls before they make a rash decision, or when they’re stuck, then I think I’m doing something right and I’m so happy I can be that for them.  If this is how I mark the world and make a difference, then so be it.

To know you’re loved is important, and to know you’re important is important.  I think it’s critical to tell kids they’re loved.  I urge parents to tell their young son or daughter that they love him/her at random times daily.  I read articles every day about parents who have died, children who have died, child abandonment or endangerment, and about mental health.  Unhappiness, depression, and mental issues I think generate right at the core and stem from within the home.  To be neglected is very crucial for young children. Time is vital.  I know as a person and for parents that patience wears thin and fast.  Sometimes it just too much.  It’s, sadly, too easy to take your anger out on a child that you think won’t remember.  It’s easy to yell, you think it’s acceptable because you’re the parent.  A lot of people are parents, and a lot of them are failing.  It doesn’t work, these ways of disciplining just do not work.  If you think because your kid has clothes and is fed that’s all it takes to parenting then you shouldn’t be a parent at all.  People are failing their kids and they’re adding to what is really wrong with the world.  Parents or caregivers need to stop bickering about homework and how their kid doesn’t listen.  Tell that damn kid you love them.  That every day, you will do what you have to do to be a better parent. Because again, being better has no limits.  That they can tell you anything, good or bad.  That you will support and guide them.  Talk instead of yelling.  Tell them about mental health.  Tell them about potential bad decisions.  Just try to be their guiding light or make sure they at least have someone else doing that for them.  Don’t always tell them what to do, but suggest.  At a certain age, they have to start doing some things for themselves and grow; they will only go down a perfectly flawed path if they’re taught which way to go.

Depression is a very serious disease and it shouldn’t be taken lightly.  It requires effort, time, and help.  Don’t give depression attention, it only entertains it.  Fight against it, not with it.  Do all the things it makes you feel like you don’t want to do.  Let someone know.  It’s very active and it’s sneaky.  Sometimes it’s just unrecognizable.  There are so many different factors that can lead to it, minor or major.  Not everyone has the tolerance to live with it or contain it.  It’s like a very dark cloud that doesn’t move and doesn’t just die out.  It does not just go away.  It will devastate and destroy.  Some days are worse than others.  A “good day” is when you get out of bed and get dressed.  A “good day” is when you smile.  But this is why you need to catch it while it’s “early”.  If it’s you or someone you know dealing with this, big or small, get help.  Please don’t ignore it and don’t say it’s fine.  I’ve dealt with a small feeling of depression, but I knew I would be okay no matter what I was thinking.  I know people who are or have been depressed or suicidal, and some just weren’t survivors of it while I’m grateful others are.

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I hope I spark a conversation about happiness and health between you and someone you know or just for yourself.  I know what I’m talking about and I know what I’m trying to say so I hope I was able to convert my thoughts into this post properly, in a way that is helpful to someone, anyone.  This is the most important post I have entered thus far.

 

A.

 

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