Kalopsia

Like things are better off unsaid, some things are better left in the dark.

However, light does not exist without the dark.

So maybe we need the dark times.  We need the nights where our minds are the loudest thing that is happening.  When the street lights go out, the only thing you see is the phosphenes when you rub your eyes because it’s now 4 a.m.  You’re tired of not knowing what the fuck your hippocampus is going to throw at you or what unwanted truth your conscience will reveal tonight.  Not tonight, little voice.  Not tonight.

All I know is that not knowing is a daunting feeling.

I do know this.  Whatever it was, it was euphoric.  In the short amount of time, it brought me a piece of joy and calmness.  Pure kilig.  And if I am forced to look back and reflect on it, that’s how I’ll leave it.  But, the worlds-at-war swooped their way in and blindsided us all: mind and heart.  It kinda feels like all involved could have been victims.  He counted on himself.  She counted on him.  I counted on him.

Alotta pressure for one person, right?  I’m not mad.  It was all done out of some shit I wish I wasn’t so understanding of.

Do you know two to four minutes of eye contact bring people closer to each other better than anything else?

I could look at him all day.

The first impression was pressing.  I was playing it cool, somewhat strong and reserved.  He was all charm, game and persistence.  My favorite combo.  When I take a second to think about it though, I knew we were deluding ourselves.

You know what they say: money talks, bullshit walks.  He was the money and the bullshit stayed as the bullshit.  If she’s out of sight, she’s out of mind – right? No.  To be the focus of one another,even for a night, was a good substitute cure for a cause.  It’s one of those instances where you tell yourself let’s not worry about that right now.  I knew it wasn’t going to be long lived and stretched out, but it was nice while it lasted.

You debonair boy, you.

It’s a very dangerous game to be apart of a man’s life when he doesn’t know which way to turn or who to turn to at the end of the night.  Could it have been given a better shot?  I believe so,  I’m sure of it.  I finally came to my senses though and I knew it was either going to happen or it wasn’t.  Either something or nothing at all.  Shit just happens.  He was just hurting and healing, I think.  I was the temporary fix.

See, females.  This is the trouble with showing your smile off to people that should be wrapped in caution tape.  You immediately fall into this dumb captivating trap every time they smile back.  That’s not the worst part.  Them knowing this is.

Whatever you do, do not be an option.  Best thing to do?  Burn your checklist of what you want.  Burn the list that says you want a tall, funny as all hell, handsome and smart guy.  Once done, you will be a little less butt hurt and/or disappointed when it doesn’t happen how you so thought.

Lastly, wish happiness.

Because it’s important that everyone has it even if it’s not shared with you.

 

 

 

A.

 

 

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s