Field of Attraction

When I sit here and reflect on the chances I didn’t take, I feel foolish.

I try just enough so you know I have an interest.  But I don’t go the extra mile.

I’m learning how to get past that.  But that’s impossible if you’re the same way.

Let’s finally put aside the bullshit and talk about what needs to be talked about.

Dare I say it….commitment?

I’m afraid, too.

I feel for you.  I know commitment can be a bitch.  The word even sends chills down my back.  Those chills can run up and down all day, but I still want a taste.  Take me higher.

When saying commitment, I’m not specifically speaking about a relationship.  It can be even committing to a friendship.  But if the shoe fits.

There is not a single ugly thing about innocent, human interactions.  So why we make it seem ugly is just shame on us.  I always try to walk into something with my head held high, whispering to myself that I have nothing to lose.  Because, right now, I don’t.  I just have all these chances to take, and I’ll take them by storm if I can.

I dare you to trust you.  And I triple-dog-dare you to trust me.

So, what I say to the person afraid of commitment is this:

You’re not afraid of commitment.  You’re afraid of yourself.  You’re afraid of the power someone may have over you.  It’s not something you learn how to handle, it’s just something that comes naturally.  You don’t know what to do.  Or maybe you don’t know what life you want to live.  Choose your battles wisely.

Once you trust you, once you trust me – it all comes together.  There is a person out there for the person you want to be.  There is a woman out there to make you a better man; and there is a man out there to make you a better woman.

There is nothing wrong with putting your pride aside.  I forced myself to do it.  Letting someone in shouldn’t be something to fear or run from.  I know, I’m the one to talk.  I’ve done it a time or two before, but I’m learning as I go that you never know the impact someone will have on you.  The last thing I want to do is go to sleep thinking about someone I can’t have.  Wondering the next time we’ll speak again.

Remember this: If you won’t do it, someone else will.

You are just so unaware how good something can be for you.  It requires effort and acceptance to be comfortable with yourself and what’s meant for you. Just accept it and let it do it’s thing.  I had to take that wall down.  It was time.  It was up and strong at all the wrong moments.  It crumbled to shreds to let those wrong ones i-

This just became a huge contradiction.

That’s why we do it.  That’s why we make sure to keep our distance from the ones we want.  Because, what if they’re the wrong one?

Listen up.

Shit is about to get a whole lot more scary for you if you think you can avoid all the wrong people in life.  I know it’s enough.  I know that getting hurt once is enough.  Maybe that’s your story, maybe it’s not.  But, usually, that’s the roadblock between two people.

If promises mean anything anymore, I can promise you honesty.

And if I’m allowed to expect one thing in return it’s that.

Just be real.

Attachment and attraction are heavy things to carry.  I mean, ya, it’s wrecks me a little bit knowing that I could get so attracted that it gets harder to fall back.  Attachment makes my chest hurt.  I get anxiety.  But, I’d rather see where it goes than remaining at a standstill with someone.  It either works or it doesn’t, right?  We all move on either way.  Who knows what could happen.

Know this.  You cross paths with people for a reason.

That will be the most on point thing I have said throughout this entire piece.

Do you really not wonder?  Do you really not want to know?  Knowledge is power.  You just never know where it will take you.  Are you afraid to learn about yourself through success or rejection?

Some people aren’t afraid, matter of fact – sometimes, people are never single for more than a month.  Some just can’t be alone.  To each their own.

I’m not one of those people.  For a long time I believed I was better off by myself.  I was surely better from a distance.  I would do anything to not allow you to even try to understand me.  If you wouldn’t go, then I would.  I just wasn’t that person for you, or for anyone.

I had some people be ballsy enough to try and tell me about me. “Why are you so afraid to get close to people, why are you so closed off..” The dumb questions went on and on.  I have been asked from people that wanted to pursue me why I was afraid of commitment.  I guess they just couldn’t accept that I didn’t feel the same.  Or, maybe I couldn’t accept that they read me.

You got that.

But I grew up.

We all have something that someone else needs.  I have direction.  Maybe that’s something you’re afraid of.  Maybe you’re afraid I have more to offer you than you do yourself.  That’s not a terrible thing, just so you know.  We could do this for each other, we could pick up what the other lacks.  The worst thing you can put yourself through is running from a good thing……when you know it’s a good thing.  Don’t think of it as “giving in”.  Just see it as wow, this could be something.  The chase can only go on for so long.  The gig is up.  I’d rather have my feet on the ground than you leaving me in mid-air.  The thing is, connection lives moment to moment.  Unlike us.  We are hitting or missing.

Connections die and restore every second.

I know how it feels to look outside your comfort zone.  That first step seems so fucking deep, you want nothing to do with it.  The shitty part is that inside your comfort zone may be poisonous.  Now, what do you do?

You still step out.  Not only because there is no room for growth inside of your comfort zone, but because it’s not healthy.

Those break up/make up relationships know how to suck the life right out of someone.  It’s scary though.  You create so much history with someone, one day you decide you’re better off without them – but what the fuck even happens without them?  Who do you get your coffee with?  Who do you spend your weekends with?  Who will you go to weddings with?  It’s fucking tough.  I get it.  But sometimes the history between two people need to be just that: history.  It needs to be pages turned in a book, for the better of both.  What’s really fucked up about it is that you may meet someone you just feel is right for you, but still can’t let go of someone else.  At the end of the day, you will have to make a decision.  It’s going to be unfair to someone, but you need to think about what makes you happy today, tomorrow and the days to come.

However, I understand completely if I’m not something you’re ready for.  And, if you’re not ready, neither am I.  It takes two to tango, and if you’re not in the mood to dance then we won’t.

Don’t miss something just because you’re afraid of what may or may not happen.  That’s not what this is about.  That’s not what we live for.

I think at the end of the day I’m just trying to tell you that if you want something then go and get it before it’s no longer an option available to you.

 

 

A.

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