The 20s

I’m just a young adult, a “millennial”, trying to keep my head above water.

Striving.

You kind of sink into a bit of a ditch in your 20’s.  I’ll be honest, I feel a little screwed right now.  I am totally in that ditch, waving my arms around as if I surrender to the bullshit.

I’m better than that.

We all are.

Your parents will say what parents say.  They will try to give you the best advice that benefits your happiness and your future.  I’m not sure if the two really go hand in hand a lot of the times.  It’s just a very tedious journey.

Career?

Don’t make me die right now.

With me, I feel as if I am on a clock that ticks way faster than I can possibly keep up with.

A handful (x 1000) of the people I know are pregnant or already have kids.  They are either 1-2 years younger or less than a year older than me.  I am only going to be 22 this year.  Am I supposed to be painting a nursery for my child right now?  Or planning his or her’s 2nd birthday for next month??

I don’t have a child, nor am I pregnant.  Shit, I don’t even have a SO to have a child with.

One night stands are so not in anymore.

Is commitment even in anymore??

I have heard so many people my age tell me how lucky I am to have my job.  How lucky I am to travel the world.

Ya, it’s pretty great to travel.  It’s my dream.

But, you have to understand… if you are not happy where you are, the benefits aren’t enough.  Even if it has the luxury of paid travel.  It really does take one huge pep-talk to make it through the day.  I’m 21 and still want to be 17.  I passionately hated school, but having the summers off were a major key.  Getting out and getting home before 3 PM was a major key.  Half days were glorious, and so were the petty – but appreciated – holiday/season breaks.  Having the summer off meant beach days every day, now I have to put up a vacation or sick day to go to the beach.  And I have to choose wisely.

Confirmed: Adulting officially sucks.  Is behind a desk really for me?  Who knows.  I don’t feel that it is, but maybe I’m not making the best of it.  But I have to stick it out until I figure it out.  That’s the new motto.  My job is so laid back, why don’t I appreciate it enough?  And then I think, maybe it’s because I’m lacking in other areas of my life and can only blame it on the constant active thing – my job.  I get up, go to work, go home and most likely sleep.  I am in a rut.  And it’s not who I am.

Not depression.  Just a rut.  I’m not unhappy.  I’m kinda just floating in mid-air, going “ahhh.” 

I believe it’s called adult.  Idk.

Most of the time I just don’t want to deal with the rest of the day because it was already ruined over a span of 8 hours.  So, sometimes I dodge phone calls, texts, and plans because the idea of staying in a cocoon usually sounds better than going out and facing the world.  I’m totally lying though, because going out is great.  Once you’re out, you never want the laughs and good times to end.  But this ditch is like damn quick sand.  Again, I’m screwing myself.  I admit this all openly because I know for a fact I’m not alone.

If you’re coming out of college and are still clueless as fuuuuck, do not worry.  You will figure it out.  It will feel like you’ve been thrown out in the middle of no where and surrounded by the thickest fog, but it will clear eventually.  You just have to accept the life after college is nothing like your college days where you could bullshit an essay or go to class high, or not go to class at all.  Life is fucking REAL.

Maybe the position I am in, or you are in, is not for us.  I just am constantly thinking – what should I do?  Where should I go from here?  What is my next step?  Maybe that’s the issue and I’m overthinking it all.  I have always moved way too fast and that’s what I know – maybe being at a slow pace right now isn’t such a bad idea.  I think, right now, I’m in an uncomfortable comfort zone.  And that’s a place I never stay in to begin with, so the fact that it’s uncomfortable for the first time ever is just….uncomfortable…?

We’re trying this again – step 1 to better days is going to the gym.  It does relieve an extreme amount of stress, and there’s never a time you don’t leave there not feeling good about yourself.  Plus, nothing beats a good bod and good health.  Score.  Also, if I can make it through a work day barely functioning, I think I can make it through at least an hour at the gym.  I don’t know why, but it is soooo much easier saying that than doing.

I will remain to stay positive about life.  I’m just still not a fan of this whole adult shit and I can’t believe I was in such a rush to get here.

I gotta get it through my head that I’m not the only 21 year old in the world trying to make it through a 9-5.  8-430 for me, but it’s all the same shit.

I won’t quit.  I have to prove I can make it through this challenge.  I think some call it life.  Again, idk.

I’m smart, mature, and prepared for it all.  I just never thought while rolling through life the ball would get so big.  Experiences, just so many experiences.  You know what I think gets us?  Expectations.  Do not expect anything.  I think that’s what folded me for a minute, was expecting this and expecting that – and I got alla’ this and left me thinking – this is it?!??  That’s the worst thing we could have ever done.  Expect.  There’s no way I am only putting this together now.  That must have been what pushed me into this hell-hole.

As a human, we wander and wonder.  Don’t you ever wonder what the hell your calling is?  Am I deaf?  Why can’t I hear my calling?  What is the purpose I serve?

I think we all owe it to ourselves to be happy and rich in many ways.  I think you should do whatever the hell makes you happy.  Being successful is only the perk.  You never want to be 29, about to celebrate your dirty 30 and regret the shit you didn’t do in your early 20’s.  And, honestly, if there is anytime to take risks, make changes, and go through transitions – it’s now, Millennials.  It is now.  Do it right.

What a time to be alive.  

Sikeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Please, trust your instinct.  Tell your parents thanks for the advice, but you’re going to do what you feel is right.  Go do some soul searchin’.  Like I will.  Time for us to move out of Struggle City and just keep on swimmin’, I guess.  Nemo turned out okay and he was lost as hell.  And, also, for the sake of us all – let’s stop looking at other people for goals.  #NoGoalsOtherThanMyOwn.  That’s a thing.  Make it happen.

If you or anyone you know are a victim of life, please share this.  You could save a 20-something year old that is struggling from struggling.

Now, time for the real reality:

I get it.  On some days it all feels terrible.  But, on the good days – it doesn’t feel so bad.  We have to look forward to those good days, because they do exist.  Not for nothing, but whatever position we are in as an adult – good or bad – we put ourselves there.  We made a decision along the line that maybe wasn’t the one we should have made.  We fuck up, we fix it, and we’ll fuck it up again.  Go out.  Make memories.  Meet people.  Experience.  Experience.  And experience more.  There really is no rule book for life other than laws, so as long as you abide by those, you are free to do what you want.  Tomorrow is a new day, and I already feel better than I did yesterday.  Trust me, I felt pretty shitty yesterday.  My eyes may still be in recovery from the tears.  It just gets so fucking exhausting, and it flusters the hell out of me trying to figure out what life is about.  I’ve finally figured it out for all of us – it ain’t about shit other than how you make it for yourself.

Just know that it’s all normal, and it does get better.  If you’re lucky, it will get easier.  Actually, not lucky – determined.  Don’t do drugs thinking that is the thrill you’ve been missing.  (Drugs as in anything except weed) Don’t spiral out of control because it’s the only thing left to do.  Don’t cry every night because you just want to feel.  I’ve read before that to get something you’ve never had, you have to do something you’ve never done.  True or true?  I’m going to stay where I am.  My resume is not going to be a mess, it’s too important to me.  Because that’s what adulting is: when everything from your credit score to your work ethic is so important to you.  I don’t know about you, but I will do anything to never let a bill be late.  I think adulting is all about not running away from shit that scares you.  You never stop learning how to do that.  You’ll always be tried and tested.

If you are unhappy with something, go back to the drawing board.  Do not turn it over until you figured it the fuck out because it will honestly tear you apart.  How many times I have reopened this already-published blog and edited and saved it is proof that there is always things to add and take out.  Every day is a scratch-pad, and you have to know where to edit and how.  I don’t know if it takes practice, maybe it takes patience, but it certainly takes rationality.  Never call it a day if you’re not satisfied with how it went.  Doing one thing, just one single thing, to help improve will make the biggest difference.  Everything you’ve read before that “reality:”  was me being a young adult.  Now, you’ve read what it feels like to be an full blown adult.  To accept.  It feels great to accept the things you can’t change, and change the things you can.  I’ve said it so many times because it’s so fucking true.  Going through these ups and downs will never stop, but handle them better.  Be optimistic, open your mind.  Pessimism has nothing good about it.  It will be the darkest road you will choose to go down.  Keyword: choose.  That’s always the keyword.

Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it.

Steve Jobs

It applies to whatever you’re working for.  If my advice doesn’t help, and that great quote doesn’t help, then you solely have yourself to depend on for help.

Good luck and I will see you on the other side.  Not an Adele pun.

 

A.

 

 

3 Comments Add yours

  1. James says:

    Adele.. that was wow. Honestly that was dead on, with everything that is going on in life right now. I could go on and on about how I worry about the future and stress about others. And like my future and jobs and how others are doing good and I don’t wanna be the one who doesn’t succeed but I’m in a job I like. Whether it’s the best paying and such idk. But life was great till shit hit the fan and now I take it out on my job I don’t enjoy it as much I contemplate looking and exploring more options but I don’t wanna at the same time. And I cant figure stuff out. I’m not happy.. but I’m not depressed either. I’m somewhere in the middle some days are good alot are bad. And like i wanna hang with people but would rather be by myself at the same time. And like i try different things, but nothing seems to work.But idk that was deep Adele that’s all. I think alot can relate..

    1. James, thank you for feedback. Just know that nothing is so bad that it can’t get better. You know what is best for you, but I would suggest not looking and exploring other career choices if you know you are happy where you are. Don’t let the bad things that happened override the good. I won’t keep spitting advice! Thank you for reading and commenting. I truly appreciate it. Good luck, don’t lose yourself. Stay up.

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