Answer This – Pt 2

Like every morning, Monday through Friday, I listen to Hot 96.9.  It’s my favorite station because of the crew, the music, the talks and the laughs.  I don’t listen to the great variety of music on my iPod in the morning because I’d rather listen to them.  That says something, says a lot, – highly recommend.  The get-up crew is Ramiro, Pebbles, Melissa and Wiggy.  Tune in if you’re able to.

This morning I listened in on a conversation about if someone reached out to their ex’s new partner and warning, or telling them about him or her.  Melissa said that no she wouldn’t, because it’s not her place.  I agree with that but there’s more to it.  Wiggy, if I remember correctly, basically said that’s not right.

Ramiro says the hotline number, and asks, what would you do if an ex reached out to you about something like this?

I called in, got through, but they didn’t have time to make it to the third caller so I didn’t get to tell them my thoughts on this.

But, here they are.

I know that I hear them, but not listen.  I don’t want to hear it.  I don’t want to hear from you.  I’ll figure it out for myself.  It has never happened to me and I can’t imagine that it will.  I don’t know, maybe I feel like I have better judgement.

In one instance, I did reach out to the new partner of my used-to-be.  Out of left field he admitted to me that he has feelings for someone else and she wasn’t letting him go anyway so it was better for all parties for him to just leave.  This and that happened, but when it was over and done with I did reach out to her just letting her know that there should be no hard feelings between us, just two people who have feelings for the same person, we should be cool.  She replied back, and to my surprise, she said “Wow, and I thought you would be the ex that I hate!”.  Took that with a grain of salt, and it was all good.

Me, myself, would never go out of my way to negatively speak about someone – an ex – to their new partner.  Unless he is a raging psycho, but even then I’m still debating if I would or not.  At the end of the day, he’s not my problem anymore.  And certainly, she never was my problem and never will be.  It’s not my responsibility to call someone up and say all these things.

But more importantly, just because he was bad for me does not mean he won’t be good for you.  That is the most important thing here.  

No one wants a phone call hearing all these things about the person they wake up to and go to sleep with.  You sound angry, you sound bitter, and maybe you sound a bit jealous.  You don’t sound like you’re actually concerned about my well-being if you call or text me with these things.  That’s a coffee meet-up conversation, not a phone conversation.  Don’t follow it up with “you can’t trust him”, it’s way better to hear “I just wanted to let you know in case anything ever went left, you have this in the back of your mind”.  I mean, really, female ex-s and new partners really shouldn’t be that great friends, but it all depends on who they are and the maturity.  And if they’ve moved on.

Just because he cheated on me (example) it will never give me the OK to call his new girl and tell her  “hey! be careful! heeeeee’s a cheater!”

So, that was my response to the question of this morning and honestly, I think it’s the best way to go.

 

A.

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