New Year, New M…. Nevermind

Ah…2016.

I’ve never had the “new year, new me” attitude.  I actually kind of hate the people that say it just a little bit.  Just a smidge.

Be more original, for your sake.  There is nothing new about the saying just because it’s a new year, it’s a new you.

It is a time of new chances, though.

It’s a time that holds new experiences.

It’s a new clock of 365 (+1) days and nights.

But I hope it’s the same you.

I know it will be the same me.  I will still eat healthier.  I will still want more success and achievement out of myself.  I will still be at a stage 5 wanderlust.  I will still want to be, find, share, and stay in love.  I will still cry on my nephew’s birthday.  I will still be a daddies girl.  I will still take and develop many pictures.  I will still be positive and spread it in every direction.  I will still be sarcastic.  I will still want to (and just may) devour a box of Cheez-Itz.  I will still think water is the best tasting thing ever.

I will still be everything I am, all over again.

I’ll just have new chances to do everything I couldn’t or didn’t do the year before.  There is no new me.  Just new things to happen TO me, or FOR me.

It’s the same ol’ shit.  Still Adele.

I’ve learned a lot in a year.  There are always ups and downs.  But I’ve seen it go way up…and I’ve seen it go way down, and some shit that just laid in mid-air.  A lot of things happened out of my control, out of my expectations.  A lot of let ups and a lot of let downs.  A lot of trials and a lot of triumphs.  I’ve learned to take it how it is and I need to treat tomorrow for what it is; a new day.  A new page.  I have felt high and I have felt low.  I have held back on pursuing certain things I wish I did; actions I wish I would have taken and things I wish I would have said.  I have felt my heart beat through my chest.  I have tasted the saltiest tears fall from eyes right down my cheek, brush past the corner of my lips, stream to right under my chin and hang there, still in time, until they finally fell and pooled.  I have flown over seas, over mountains and looked down and said “wow.” I have driven on the other side of the road.  I have shed tears for deaths of people I didn’t even know.  I have seen my Uncle Agostinho smile and laugh more after my grandfather’s death than ever before, because he sees that life is short and the next day is no promise.  I have prayed over and over again that those 2 teenage boys that went missing on 7/24/15 be found.  I have seen how much jealousy and vindictiveness can absolutely ruin a persons character and destroy the good in their presence.  I supported the decisions of those spectacular women who chose to terminate their own life before their illness did.  I have made people feel like there is still good humans in the world by the simplest gestures.  I was closer to learning German and Chinese than I ever was before.  I turned 21.  I have hurt feelings of those who ask me for my honest opinion or the honest truth.  Even of those who don’t, actually.  I have totally bent further than I can bend for those I will do anything for.  I have felt utterly exhausted in every way possible.  I thought I loved someone.  I finally love the taste of tea.  I went to Florida three times in one year.  I created my very own website domain to do this.  I celebrated my one year anniversary at my job that I couldn’t figure out if I completely liked or not.  I got praised and I got a raise.  I received many appreciated compliments from family members about the woman I have become.  I practiced how to be positive and spread love.  I practiced patience and forgiveness like I knew I wanted to and had to.  I learned how to make someone happy.  I learned that speaking is my specialty.  I learned how to successfully learn.  I learned how to love myself.  I learned how to do a lot of other things…but I learned how to grow.

You are where you are supposed to be but at the same time, every day is a step to where you are supposed to be, to where you will end up.  But it just never ends, it’s the longest staircase … the steps behind you are stones, but not the ones ahead.

 

It’s all to be continued…

 

 

A.

 

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