FOMO

I for real am missing out.

I love love.  It’s so sweet, poetic, and fulfilling.  When it’s done right.

I love love.  And I’m missing it the most these days.

Maybe it’s the holidays, maybe its nostalgia, maybe it’s the damn Christmas-romance movies; but I really am getting sick of myself.

OR maybe it’s when I pour myself a glass of Pinot Grigio and just sit at home.

Whatever, man.  Judge me.

But I really miss having someone.

Trust me, I don’t love hearing the question “So, no boyfriend yet?” from family, especially my dad, or being told by my best friend that she wants me “to find a boyfriend, already!!!”

Do not act like you’ve never crossed this point in your life.

All fingers point to me, I accept all the blame.  I really do self-inflict a lot of things.  Pride?  Ego?  Who knows.

I have my own problems connecting with my emotions at times.  That’s a blessing and a curse.

Being in a relationship, or being in love, is so much more than shopping for or going to sleep with you.

Love is taking a chance.  More than that, it’s taking a risk.  You know, when you are committed to and/or love someone, you take a big risk.  You open doors and you subject yourself to so many things, accomplishments or disappointments.  You trust someone.  And that right there should make you run for the hills.  Right away, you’re vulnerable.  With a feeling like that, who knows which way it could turn.  But you have to trust.  You have to trust that where you are falling is a good place for you and you pray to your God that someone is there to catch you.  Your heart is a delicate thing.  It’s like this beautiful, iridescent, delicate bubble that has seen so many colors, and felt so many things; and you do everything and anything to protect it from exploding.  But when you hand your love and trust over to someone, your bubble is then in someone else’s hands whether they’re clean or dirty.  Feel me on that?

I’m ready for it.

I’ll wait for everything to straighten out, and I’ll wait for it all to find each other in the light instead of me searching in the dark, you know what I mean?  The strong, independent woman in me isn’t going anywhere; it’s growing, and with growth you realize the things you do need or want, or you don’t.  A part of me feels like I just need that to be completely balanced, but I don’t need someone to balance me.

To be fair, I know what I want.  And if I were to need anything, I know what that would be too.  I know me.  Don’t press me.  If I truly thought we could benefit each others lives then we would have moved mountains already.  But I really believe I’m saving my strength for someone, something, else.  I will one day swallow my pride and make my move, for who I know will fill the void of all this time.  But don’t get crazy, I still may want to sleep alone.

The best things happen unexpectedly.

Uh, the worst things do too, but we’re staying positive here!

A.

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