The Christmas Feels

This year is the first year in years my mother, her boyfriend, Cedric, and I (yes, I still live with my mother at only 21-years old.  No issue there.) put up a Christmas tree

I guess we swept the idea under the rug years ago when everything constantly went downhill for us and our family.  It seriously felt like the next year would be the worst year.  We stopped with the decorations, and we stopped with the tree.  But she never stopped watching Christmas movies, she loves those.

In recent years, we have gradually been back in the “Christmas spirit”.  We did get a tree in the past, but it was a fake one.  It was a small, fake one and it could pretty much only fit a TV remote under it and maybe stood at 2 feet tall.  Not sure why it was even allowed to be sold.  But I let it happen, because if she wasn’t in the spirit for anything drastic than neither was I.

But with 2015 coming to an end, I think we’re back in the Christmas feels.

The day after Thanksgiving she went out with Cedric and bought a full, beautiful Christmas tree and it was happily decorated with over 300 lights.  I told her to keep it simple with the ornaments, as I think the white lights are so beautiful on their own.  With a huge, snowflake tree topper that Cedric was dying to have, I was told.  The lights have different settings: still, fading, or blinking.  Cedric like the ones that blink while the others are still.  Mom likes the ones that stay still, and I like the ones that fade out.  Well, I actually really don’t care what setting they’re on.

Every time I walk by our tree in the living room, I smile.  Because it is the only thing lit up, we haven’t even turned the actual living room light on since we put up the tree.  It has shined some light on us, literally.  Seeing this Christmas tree up forces me to be appreciate of the way this year has gone, because if it was a sad year then this tree would not be standing tall in that corner right now.

Obviously, somewhere between 365 days, there were some bad ones in there.  I dealt with the death of my grandfather who I was close to, I struggled with my job, I struggled with a heavy amount of stress.  Every one has had their downs and doubts, but I do believe that remaining positive is what really got me through it all.  Same for my mother.  Which is why we have that Christmas tree today.

Listen, I’ve been posting that tree and Christmas lights on most of my social media platforms.  It symbolizes a lot for me and I won’t be embarrassed about it.

I’ve kept my head up.  I’ve traveled.  I’ve lived, loved, and laughed over and over again.  So, F ya, I’m going to show the world how proud I am of how far my mother and I have come that we have finally decided on a Christmas tree.  The holiday is supposed to express and represent many things: peace, joy, thankful, etc.  But we never really got a piece of peace, never enough joy, and it was series of unfortunate events that made us question “Thankful?….Thankful for what?”

We won’t surrender this time.

It’s only December 1st, but I’m already cheering (my nightly glass of wine) my way into 2016 and having all fingers crossed for more positive things to happen.





(image provided by Gabriel Bucataru)

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