The Silver Lining

Baby, we’ve got some good bad timing.

I believe we had an opportunity, a chance, and it was missed.  I sat on cloud 9 and threw back shots that burned, but still – I ended every night waiting for you to give in before me.  At first the nights felt longer without hearing from you.  Like everything else, I got through it.  I always do.

I understood you.  I know how it is when you need to let go of someone but you don’t know how because you don’t want to.  Like Chris Martin from Coldplay said, “when you love someone and it goes to waste”; I felt that before and I knew you were faced with the same fight.  You crashed,  and I hate to know I couldn’t help you up from that fall.  I could not mend your broken heart caused by someone else.  Fighting for you was not going to make you stay.  So I didn’t.  It would have only been harder if I did.

It was unsettling and upsetting that distance brought us close,

Only to find out we would be pushed apart.

Our paths crossed for a reason.  The reason is somewhere in the stars, waiting to be aligned.  I have to consider that maybe our paths were not supposed to cross, just another case of bad wiring.  In the end, maybe, I would not have been right for you and vise-versa.  Or, it just wasn’t our time.  Too soon or too late.  You just go back to your life, and I’ll go back to mine.  There is a 50/50 chance we will meet back up in the middle one day.  We aren’t strangers to each other, and I think on the very last page in our book of history there is a message in very fine print reading that we will always have something.  And if that is true, that’s almost the shittiest and best thing about it; we’ll always only have something.

Maybe this, maybe that.  Possibilities never run out.

We are just two people who both made the same mistake in different ways.

Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me.  You win some n’ lose some.  You faded out.  I think you were looking for old flaws in a new person, even though that didn’t work for you the first time.  It probably doesn’t help that we are so much of the same person.  So now I can only wish the best for you.  Wherever you are and whatever you’re doing, I hope you’re well and finally happy.  I will always want you to be happy.  I hope it will be someone that loves and hates everything about you like I do.  Accepts you for who you are, and not treat you like a damaged good.  Someone that can tell you to fuck off but be okay by the time you fall asleep.  I like to think things fall apart only because other things are falling together.  I no longer miss you in the same ways I once did.  I don’t feel overcome with feelings of wishing it never changed.  But for your darkest times, I will be here.  I hope I’m home for you.

I would have let it go.  I would have went on with my life.  I would have let the bad blood just dry, it felt like the only choice.  But you spoke, and I heard you.  We reconnected in ways we needed to and it would have never happened if it weren’t for your persistence.  It felt right even when it all went wrong.  We talked about things that couldn’t be avoided any longer, as much as I tried.  It felt like it was meant to happen –  I was supposed to be somewhere I didn’t want to be and somehow I ended up right where I did.  I am sure that was going to be the last time.  I know you are not as bad as the decisions you make.  We’re good.  We’ll always be good.  Never together, but we’ll always be good on our own.

The silver lining.

 

 

A.

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