It’s been a while. A few months here and there.
But, I’m back.
What I learned about myself in the time that has passed is my strength. I’m fucking invincible. I’m not worried about you getting the best of me again, because that chance will never be available. I will take you down with me.
I had to let months go by me to fully regain myself. But I’m back better than ever.
I realized there is nothing someone can say or do to make your desired one stay. There’s nothing. The heart will want what it wants, and we as humans just have to obey it or fight it. I can fight most of my demons, but I can’t win against my own heart. I trust it too much that it will never fail me.
Am I hard to love? Maybe. But I’m here to tell you that I will always love hard. I love with all or nothing at all. Consequentially, I loved you with nothing at all. It was lust. That’s the beautiful, harsh truth of it all. It’s a relief to realize that love isn’t what I felt with you. It was comfort, and it was something tangible. You talked about the could be’s, but I knew better because I’m the one that saw the reality in it all between the two of us. I once had a deep crave for you but now nothing in me flutters at the thought of you anymore.
But I forgive you.
I knew we weren’t compatible. Each person is their own, and I’ll never make someone pay or not allow them to have my trust because of you. It’s not worth it. You’ll never be who I want you to be, a good man for me. And I’ll never be the woman you want. But thank you for the time, and thank you for the lesson.
In addition to having no love lost and no love found: I love being young . I can love, and love again, endlessly and fearlessly in so many measures. That’s what life is. My old soul has never done me wrong. Because of who I am I know how to let bygones be bygones. I know how to wish happiness and peace upon you no matter where you take yourself and whoever you take with you. I can handle life thanks to me. Whatever happens, I’ll always come out stronger than when I entered and I’ll have a new lesson in my book of A.
It’s just that feeling in your chest caving when the odds hit you that you start to question your stability. You suddenly feel like you’ve been tossed in a quiet room with small, closing walls. But you didn’t. You’re here in the here and now. You have to teach yourself how to be okay, because you really always will be. Relationships aren’t durable. But people are. And do you know how many people are in the world? I swear, in most cases, it’s the person you never expected that you end up spending the most and best time with. But….if you haven’t learned it by now, then I’ll just throw it out there in the open: Nothing lasts. You have to be prepared. For the best. And for the worst. For everything in between.
Losing your counterpart will never be an easy thing to grip.
But you just have to apply your deepest, reddest lipstick and face the world head on.
No one got me like I got me.