Monday Morning

It’s a Monday morning, and I’m emotional.

I live by the sun.  Literally.  It’s gloomy as ever outside, it will be raining until tomorrow.  Every time the sun is not shining, it’s costing me a day.  For some reason my mood mirrors the weather.

So I really did just cry at work.  A beautiful song was being played by a piano in the background while I was watching a YouTube video about a lake that is filled with jellyfish, brought by Elite Daily.  Yes, I cried to that – the song provoked me.  What is going on?  Look, I don’t know.  I’m just a girl.  Sometimes we need the moment to break and rebuild ourselves.  Maybe I’m overtired instead of emotional.  I’m exhausted from returning back from my trip last night, and I didn’t go to sleep until 3 AM to be at work for 8:30.  I’m dragging ass right now.

The Jellyfish Lake video was definitely majestic as hell, but the music was so captivating I now can’t stop listening.  I learned that it is called Nuvole Bianche by Ludovico Einaudi.  I swear I heard the song before, with lyrics, but it’s escaping me.  You have to watch the video to really enjoy the song, it brings someone to a place of peace.  I’m telling you.  The link is below.

Want to know one of the worst feelings?  Not knowing what the f*ck is going on.  And I do not know what is going on.

I just started reading American Wife, written by Taya Kyle.  Wife of Chris Kyle, Navy SEAL, “American Sniper”.  I’m only 39 pages in, and my heart already hurts.

“Hey!”  I said.  “I was looking for you!”

“I was looking for you!” he said.

“I just wanted to say good-bye.”  I hugged him.

“Me, too.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too,” he said.

I gave him a quick kiss and a hug – something we tried to always do when we left the house-and went out to the SUV to take the girls to the mall.

That was the last time I saw my husband, my best friend, my hero, alive.

That was on page 11 (iBook).  Page 11, and my heart already broke.  11 is my favorite number.  It was the last piece of text on the page, so strong and dramatic it seemed like.

Their love was true.  I felt it when I watched her interviews, and I feel it while reading her words.  Her story is the truest thing.  She mentioned how over (I’m getting chills while typing this) and over she would ask God to send her a nice man, a decently nice man.  Doesn’t matter his looks or success, just a good man.  Boy, did she get her man.  Her love and hero.  I’m not one for religion very much, but for her I will say that I think God did just as she asked.  He gave her a love for life.  This is a read that I do not and will not rush through, it takes a little bit to process how pure it is.  It really is beautiful.  I think its beautiful how she went forward and published this book, for all of us to read.  We all want to ask her questions, or at least I do.  I assume in the book she will cover it all.  Before I started the book, I watched her interview on The View.  My heart pretty much beating through my chest when she read one of the emails between her and Chris while he was in Iraq.  Her voice is shaking, you can pretty much hear the tears trying to break through but she pulled through – she kept herself together.  That was powerful.  American Sniper, of course, had me in tears.  It was just so, so raw.  How does one get through love and war?  Question.

Well, I’m going to continue to read it.  On a day like today, what would be better?

 

A.

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