I can’t fix you. But I can try.
I can give you the dead bottom line: life goes on. Time and time again I have failed to realize that. Until I had no choice. You have no choice but to keep rolling. Nothing stops. Getting the shitty end of the stick is no accident. I deal with everything the same, with comfort and ease. When I lose a person or thing, I just know that this is how it is supposed to go. There is nothing I could have done to prevent it from happening today or tomorrow. I’m only human. I have to react with the ability to reason. No one is testing your strength or patience. It’s all happening as it should. Expect and accept. Move on.
I am not sorry that you are feeling heart broken. I am sorry that no one told you that once you give someone even just a smidgen of your heart, your trust – it’s no longer yours. You have given someone the ability to kill you, the old you. I am sorry you went wrong. That’s self infliction, hunny. You become vulnerable and secure all at once. That’s ok. You will always be ok. “Love” – It’s a risk. It’s an attempt. And it’s real. You can touch it, feel it, taste it, see it, be it. But just because it’s beautiful doesn’t mean it won’t sometimes hurt. It gets lost, love does get lost. Wasted and tainted, let it go. Never be afraid to let go. For you. For him. For her. Let go. You will love, and love, again. Sweet and tender as ever.
I will tell you that a beach is filled with so many grains of sand that are constantly being blown away with wind and they have no choice but to get use to where they land, every time. They get kicked around by ones they don’t even know, and ones that they do. They get scooped up and deliberately watched being poured out of hands. Out of the hands of power. So when you think for a second you are important, or even alone, just remember you are a grain of sand. When the cold ocean licks the tip of your toes and shocks your nerves, that’s a fair warning and you better be prepared for what is to come. You can step further and further away, but it reaches eventually. When you find yourself in a position between figuring it out for yourself or asking someone to the dirty work for you – just figure it the hell out for yourself. It will get easier. It won’t heal. But it will get easier. You will mend yourself not once, but multiple times. Sometimes it is as raw or as subtle as ever, but it’s there. Oh, it is there. Get use to your fate.
You live, love, and learn.
Put on your armor, and always be aware. You are made to take on your own world, that’s a battle you will always prepared for, even when you feel otherwise. All you have is all you have been equipped with. Your body and soul. You lose and find yourself day in and day out. With pain and pleasure, you learn. You go through three phases: trials, tribulations, and triumph. You are who you are. No one can take that away from you. Yourself is the only thing you will ever truly own. Alter and renew yourself at your discretion; but your acne, your stretch marks, your skin discoloration, your scars, your tattoos, your birthmarks – all of those things are you. There is no point of being angry with them or yourself. Just love who you are, who you’ve become. Not who you used to be. That’s old news. Dwelling won’t bring you to a place you want to be. If you love yourself, others will learn to do the same just the same. You are a flower. You change all the time. But you being a flower will always remain the same. Just bloom the way you’re supposed to. You will bend. You will break. You will grow again.
Always conquer. Never surrender.