But I Am Not…

I am impatient because I will refresh the webpage when it’s almost fully loaded, but almost doesn’t count.  I am patient because I will wait for you.  I am stubborn because I’d rather find out myself than take your advice.  I am a people pleaser because I may just do what you want, for once.  I am a bitch because I’m honest.  I am sensitive because I cry.  I am complicated because my use of words and I like to ask questions.  I am straightforward.  I am selfish because I will turn my phone off to avoid any communication with people, I could be missing a call of an emergency but would never know.  I am a doormat because I will be there when you ask, when you need.   I am OCD because I cannot have the clasp of my necklace anywhere but behind my neck.  I am a slob because I don’t clean my room or make my bed everyday.  I am bipolar because I am happy and motivated until I am anxious and angry.  I am a bubbly person because I like to be friendly and laugh all the time, and it makes you want to hit MUTE but you can’t.  I am good driver because I always use my blinker.  I am a bad driver because I sometimes speed.  I am annoying because I will click and unclick the cover of the battery to the TV remote.  I am calm because I just sit there, quietly.  I am acting different because I say ‘yeah’ instead of ‘yes’ sometimes.  I am fine because I’m smiling and laughing.  I am right because I didn’t vocally address that I am wrong.  I am wrong because we disagree.  I am lacking emotion because I may have hurt your feelings.  I am clingy because I feel too much.  I am mean because I didn’t like your shirt, and told you.  I am nice because I liked your shirt and told you.  I am lazy because I love to sleep.  I am rambunctious because I consumed sugar.   I am in love with kids because I am devoted to my nephew.  I am not always a fan of kids because they’re usually out of control. I am clean because I carry a toothbrush, toothpaste, floss and mouthwash with me.  I am dirty because I didn’t wash my hair today.  I am rude because I didn’t say ‘you’re welcome’ after you said ‘thank you’.  I am too kind because I offered you a ride.  I am busy because I won’t make time.  I am boring because I don’t make crazy plans after work.  I am a bad friend because I made plans and I did not keep them.  I am a great friend because I answered your call and listened to you cry.  I am beautiful because either my appearance or my personality ignites you.  I am ugly because I told you to screw yourself.  I am in love with my body because it’s mine and I own it.  I am not super skinny so that must mean I am fat.  I am positive and optimistic because life is better that way.  I am negative because I said ‘no, I can’t’.  I am good worker because I do what I have to do.  I am a bad worker because what you’re asking me to do is irrelevant, and I deny.  I am honest because I told you what the deal was.  I am a liar because I missed a detail.  I am whatever you want to think I am, but I am not who you say I am.

I could go on.  But I know who I am, what I am.

You may think I am or am not these things.  You may assume, which you know is never the right thing to do.  The above results is the exact impression you take from someone if they are any of the said.  But don’t you ever – and I mean don’t ever think or assume that I am lonely because I am alone.

Alone is having no one else present; on one’s own.

Lonely is sad because one has no friends or company.

Alone, I may be.  Lonely, I am not.

 

A.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s