I can’t even stress how complicated being a damn female is. On second thought, I don’t even want to stress it because bad things happen when we, us females, stress. Daily we are wondering why the hell we had to be a girl, the worst thing on Earth!!!! If you’re a guy I can bet that the first thing that pops into your head when concerning a girl is – yep! you guessed it – crazy! I just want to defend us on that for a second. Get over it! We’re crazy, that’s what we do and you clearly can’t live with OR without it so suck it up, hunny. But seriously, get your head out of your ass – it’s not you we’re being crazy about. It’s ourselves and you must have done something to not help the situation at all. Let me break it down in four ways, to start….
1. Maintaining beauty:
It is one hell of a job to keep up with beauty. The only thing I don’t worry about like some other girl might is makeup. I’m not a makeup consumer, but I still have shit to worry about. AS OF RIGHT NOW, April 15th – 2:25 PM (EST) I am dealing with two very small and painful pimples in my nose, and a potential cold sore (No, I don’t have herpes – don’t go there). I blow my nose like it’s a regular routine, so I guess that triggers these painful pimples in the nose and it’s best not to touch it because it could obviously cause a bacterial infection. Well, YOLO because I definitely popped them and then drowned in Neosporin. So now there’s Neosporin aroma all up in my left nostril. Cold sores are usually caused by fevers, colds, climate change, stress and menstrual cycle. I’m a human and have stress, so that’s one strike and I’m also on my menstrual cycle so that’s a double whammy. I’m struggling right now. Give us a break, please. We have a lot to deal with. Girls, we need to be a team and get through this together.
2. Menstrual cycle:
It cannot be run (ran?) from. Actually, we prefer not to run at all because it hurts. I thank the period Gods that I don’t get that bad of cramps like I’ve heard of. I just want to throw it out there that boys have a sense that they don’t know about – when a menstrual cycle is in session it actually attracts a guy to a woman more. Weird, right? There is nothing wanting about a period, but it is what it is. It needs to be 100% understood that it is no joke, though. It really is painful and exhausting. Stress can actually cause the period to happen a lot sooner than expected, so please, don’t do anything stupid, boys. It’s constant worry when we have our period. Is it going through? Why am I so moody? Why am I so hungry – am I pregnant? No, can’t be – I have my period. Get me chocolate!!!! Omg, am I gaining weight or am I bloaded? Just please accept us in during terrible time once a month for 3-5 days. We know, we owe you.
You think we don’t know that a turtle could beat us in a race? Just to clear it up – we don’t spend time on getting dolled up to watch you at the end of the stairs, staring and saying “wow, you look beautiful”. No, never, we do it for us. Drake says you men never notice! It’s important to us to look beautiful to us. If that hair is out of place, we’re out of place. Plus, you know what they say – fashionably late.
You are either really unlucky to really deal with a crazy gal, or you’re really dramatic and absolutely like everyone else. I’m going to speak on the behalf of the girls that don’t put a knife to you – CHILL, WE’RE NOT CRAZY. Just because we call you 2 times does not make us crazy. Just because we call you 20 times does not make us crazy, it makes YOU look like we have something to worry about. Some of you are NOT as innocent like you like to play. That’s the beauty of calling us crazy though right – it takes away from your possible fault. As for me – if I call you it’s just to say hi, how’s your day? Okay, bye. A one time check up. I’m all about energy, good energy, and I’m not going to waste it on useless things, like calling your phone. You might think I’m a lame girlfriend for saying that – but it’s true. Pick your poison dude, you either want calls or you don’t. Call me anytime, I’m always ready to shoot the shit if you’re down to. You’re going to wonder if I have anything better to do and yes, I really do. Even sleeping is something better to do. Some grow up, some don’t. I have an old soul and see beyond the immature fights. So go easy on the crazy name, some don’t deserve that. If you feel your girl is crazy, leave – don’t tell your family and friends she’s crazy, make her look bad and stay with her? That’s embarrassing you both. Don’t make a girl be someone you don’t want her to be, that she doesn’t want to be. Don’t make her be the nagging, “crazy” type. You should know by now it takes two to tango. Do your homework and know what you’re walking into before you go on and seal the deal.
Give us a break. We have a lot going on even beyond these four points….
To be continued..