Coping with Cancer II

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It’s very important to let someone know how much you care about them.  Whether they’re on their way out or still have a year or more to live, never neglect to tell them how much love you have.

I asked my grandfather if he wanted ice cream last night.  When he’s on all his medication he’s high as a kite and likes to be a wise ass.  Even when he wasn’t on all these drugs he was still wise but it’s now more than ever.  I was walking out of the house, he called me back in.  Said come here.  Come here.  Bent me down so my right ear is at his mouth, and he said “you know I love you a lot, right”. I love you, too, vôvô.  That’s grandfather in Portuguese.

Caring for someone that has cancer, when they become dependent, is a lot of work. It’s tough. It’s weakening. It’s exhausting. And it’s painful. Putting them into bed, bathroom, or walking but it’s going to be a lot of dead body weight you’re shifting around because they’re too weak to do it themselves.  Sometimes it gets so hard, so mentally/physically/emotionally tiring that some days, regretfully, you just say “just go already”. Even though you don’t really mean it sometimes you have to say it followed by a sigh of exhaust.

I asked my grandfather how he’s feeling today, since he’s up and moving around I figured I’d ask.  He said he’s feeling weak.  Yesterday I asked him how much he weighed now, because he lost a significant amount.  He was 143 last time he checked which was probably a couple days ago.  This morning it’s 141.  He said “Pray for me, Adele” and I said “Everyday.” “Every night.” “Yes, and every night.”

For the next series of this post, click here.

A.

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